You’ve certainly read quite a bit on the topic of self-esteem over the years, but when was the last time you read an article devoted solely to boosting your sexual confidence? Despite the awkwardness, it’s important to think about how sexuality influences our daily lives. Because our perspective and connection to sex are shaped by cultural, familial, and psychological influences before we ever engage in the act. This, in turn, might prevent or encourage the development of positive sexual identities once we’ve made up our minds to engage in sexual activity.
The good news is that there are easy things you can do to boost your confidence and enjoy yourself more while meeting new people or having a sexual experience, even if you don’t feel as confident as you’d like to be. The best part is that these methods are equally effective for both men and women, including prioritising self-care and altering negative self-perceptions.
Down below, we’ve defined sexual confidence (and what it isn’t) and included a variety of strategies for improving your sexual self-esteem. I say, “Shall we?”
What does it look like when men and women are sexually confident?
Simply put, sexual confidence is the assurance one feels when engaging in sexual activities. How much you appreciate yourself sexually is what we call sexual self-esteem.
Possessing these characteristics is crucial for leading a fulfilling sexual life, as low self-esteem and a lack of confidence in sexual encounters can have serious consequences for one’s emotional and psychological health.
Sexual self-assurance boils down to knowing who you are as a person and being okay with the kind of sexual or intimate experiences you love having.
Your sexual self-assurance might rise or fall depending on a few circumstances. Males may suffer from poor sexual confidence for a variety of reasons, including but not limited to body issues that cause them to be self-conscious about their looks, and sexual dysfunctions such as premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. Height, weight, and even penis size may all play a role in males’ struggles with sexual confidence.
Many of the same variables that diminish men’s libido also have a similar effect on women. Not feeling attractive enough to your spouse, having conflicting sexual desires, and sex-related anxiety and shame all fall into this category.
What does it look like when a person is sexually confident?
Having a positive body image is only one component of sexual self-confidence; an individual must also exhibit other positive characteristics.
Among these is learning to recognise and accept your sexual desires. Knowing your sexual preferences—both in terms of your preferred sexual orientation and the specific forms of sexual expression—plays a significant role in building sexual self-assurance.
Possessing the ability to express your wants and needs to your spouse. Being able to express your sexual wants and requirements to your partner and consider their preferences is an essential component of having sexual confidence.
Understanding that sexual pleasure is normal and that there is no need to worry or feel guilty about sexual relationships is another key to sexual self-confidence.
Possessing the ability to establish and maintain sexual limits. Finally, knowing your sexual boundaries and respecting those of your partner are essential components of sexual self-assurance.
The Reasons Some People Lack Sexual Confidence
A lack of sexual confidence can exhibit itself in several different ways, according to studies. Concerns about sexual encounters and/or rejection by a partner are major contributors to low self-esteem.
Examples of frequent variables or dimensions of “sexual self-concept,” essentially refer to how we regard our sexual selves, including sexual fear, despair, and anxiety.
Whether these issues stem from actual sexual dysfunctions or self-perceived limitations is rather beside the point; if you go into a sexual encounter convinced that you won’t be able to make your partner happy, you’re in the wrong frame of mind. So, how do we boost your sexual self-esteem?
Self-help books and viral films on YouTube notwithstanding, there is no magic bullet to instantly boost your sexual confidence. Instead, gaining sexual confidence is more likely to occur over time and through a series of incremental but significant changes. The good news is that building your sexual confidence gradually might help you become the person you want to be.
Look at Yourself Naked Everyday
I don’t care what kind of impression the media tries to give you. I can personally vouch for the fact that we as women tend to be way more critical of our bodies than men are; especially the men who are in committed relationships with us. Shoot, most of them are so excited, just to have the privilege and pleasure of being able to “partake” that they are not nearly as nit-picky about breast and booty size, “rolls” or stretch marks. So, where do we get all of our judgment from?
First of all, I don’t think there is a species more self-critical than women. Furthermore, the fantasy of “perfection” might prevent us from celebrating the reality of how we were formed due to things like comparing ourselves to other women, viewing social media pictures that have been filtered, and forgetting that many celebrities have cosmetic surgeons on speed dial.
That’s why I think the first step for any woman should be to stare at her nude reflection every morning. I don’t mean the quick look you give yourself after a shower. What I mean is taking a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror while simultaneously praising your greatness aloud. Raise the stakes by emphasising the unique qualities that set you apart. It may seem strange or stupid at first if you’re not used to confirming your body in this way but trust me when I say that the more you do it, the more secure and at ease you’ll feel, whether you’re having sex in the dark or the light.
Get to Know Your Body, Yourself, and Your Needs
No two persons are the same when it comes to sexuality. It’s okay to get to know yourself better by discovering what you want in terms of sexual contact and partners; your needs are probably different from those of other people.
This may involve trying out new forms of masturbation or sex. If you aren’t in a committed relationship yet, it may also involve experimenting with a variety of sexual partners to determine your preferences. Above all else, it means embracing oneself as oneself and one’s own preferences as one’s own preferences.
Discovering oneself is the key to fulfilling sexual encounters and, by extension, to developing sexual self-confidence. As you learn more about what you enjoy and who you connect with, you’ll likely begin to feel a greater sense of confidence in yourself and comfort in your body.
“Dress Up” Underneath
One thing I am grateful that my mother ingrained in me is the importance of “dressing up” underneath. What I mean by that is, she was always saying, “A woman’s underwear needs to be just as beautiful as the rest of her clothes, even if no one sees it but her.” And you know what? Doing so does have a way of making me feel pretty sexy. It also gives me the feeling that I’ve got a seductive secret going on, even if I’m rocking nothing more than a T-shirt and some jeans.
Stop Treating Sex Like a Performance
Many people have inflated notions of what sex should be like due to media portrayals of sexuality, particularly in porn. Don’t let idealised notions of sex cloud your judgement; instead, keep a grounded appreciation for the encounter for what it is. Don’t ruin the experience by expecting something it isn’t sex can be anything from joyful and raw to emotional and experimental to beautiful and embarrassing.
One of the finest methods to enhance your sexual confidence is to get to know your own unique sexual preferences and desires. Explore your passions and preferences in a risk-free environment and learn to know yourself better.
If you value your time and privacy, you won’t pretend to be satisfied during sexual encounters with other people.
Don’t be afraid to share your feelings, whether positive or negative. Say it in a way that is soft and compassionate; the correct person will want you to have fun and will appreciate your candour.
One of the finest ways to enhance your sexual confidence is to share these experiences with someone who genuinely wants to be with you.
Self-Care is Sex-Care
One of the first steps towards truly “feeling yourself” (cue Nicki Minaj) is to invest in the relationship you have with yourself. Self-care, both sexual and otherwise, should be a top priority, especially when it comes to your physical well-being. Getting enough rest, maintaining a healthy fluid intake, and engaging in regular physical activity can all help by triggering the release of “feel-good” endorphins and fostering a more optimistic outlook on one’s physical self. A healthy libido begins with a healthy body, and a good body begins with a healthy diet.
If you want to increase your sexual arousal, it’s important to create an atmosphere that allows you to feel calm and at ease, and this is especially true for women. High levels of stress, anxiety, or fear can trigger the production of chemicals like adrenaline and norepinephrine, which reduce blood supply to the genitalia and dampen a person’s sexual desire.
To get through this, establish pre-sex rituals that help you unwind and focus. Try activities like taking a bath, practising meditation or breathwork, moving to music, or dancing that help you relax and feel more in one with your body. This will aid in experiencing the moment fully, strengthening the bond between you and your partner through your bodies.
Feel free to discuss any issues related to your sexual health without fear of judgement. If you feel like you might use some help with your self-esteem, libido, or sexual relationships, or if you’re having problems like pain, dysfunction, or anxiety when having sex, you should see a doctor who specialises in sexual health.
And keep in mind that sex is something we should embrace and celebrate to deepen our emotional and physical bonds with one another. Release any guilt or humiliation you have about sex if you want to feel more confident and freer sexually.